9:11 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
im feeling irritated w yu right now. ): <
i uds my feelings. i realise i always dnte want to accept them. i hate it. i
hate it when you meet them. HATE. HATE.
let you go .
i want him back.
6:56 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
fucky. im feeling fuckd up. i WAS feeling fucked up.
yayy.
THANKS EGG. this guy s really oneoakind.
since amos to grandma to 1st time headin t a club to wisma-in at 10 pm to now. now when i was feelin like fuck. somehow he always finds a way t put me back to being happy. to being able t forget al the shit. (: (: (:
you re special. no matter how long its been. you always have that special thing in you. never ever fail t make my day. never. (:
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
caught munich tdy at cine w rese. its like so omg LONG pls!. rwahs. and i was havin' this throbbin headache which really was killin' me. i was so frustrated. ): < and the show al bout violence. it really din help. not at al. yups. anwys saw this ring at heeren. i needa go back and get it! really nice. (:
steph s such a cutie man. she s been floodin' the conversation w LOADSA cute faces. omg pls. they re like super duper cute pls!. (: yay ness.! msg me on msn if you wanna see em!. (: <3 oh and i realised tdy aft meetin' steph that i haven drank for like omg super long pls! like the whole o this yr i only drank those shots at brewerkz. and yes. im tired o beer. they make me sick. i really cant stand it. unless im depressed. and. sad. then i dnte think il care any more bout the throwing up.
anwys. yes. i dnte know wtf im doing here. shld be down at alex's party. ): < rwahs. dnte think itd be happening thou. rwahs. though dad did say it was aiights. just dnte think id want t be back so early. i mean if i wanna go id wanna stay till late. so. anwys wtf. ): < jon's askin me t head down t his party at indo on sat too. but that night got night cycling. this sucks man. i really wanna see him pls!. like how long s it been alr. ): < rwahss. missesss!
MMANUEL__. says:yep.. go la. its good.
IMMANUEL__. says:rciy is going my girl..
IMMANUEL__. says:and then..
IMMANUEL__. says:ya la.. but my band mates are comin too...
IMMANUEL__. says:haha.
like wtf la tok!. rubbish know. yes going going. then suddenly band mates going too. rwahs. slap you la. hahhas. nonsense boy know you!. anwys, i haven really askd him bout that friendster testi he wrote me ages ago. but nevertheless this guy s just one you ll learn t love even if you dnte. (:
hoho. another great controversial disagreement w J agn. sigh. here we go agn.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
went t the mr and mrs fong's wedding. (: grins. it was a pleasant one!. God blessss and may He fill you w loadsa little fongs!. (:
met leong tdy as well. damn cute pls!. gasps gasps. since long time back... faints. but awesome.... (: (: (:
i totally uds her true feelings bout you. it's not that she doesn't love you. she does. alot too in fact. but you re just not around anymore for her. you're there; but you re not there. boy, i miss you too. you ve been gone for quite some time. but man, the way i miss you, its just totally different from the way she misses you. you uds? you get what i mean? she was your girlfriend!, im just a friend. obviously she s the one who s being affected much more than me.! its just like you re only almost here. sure, you talk t her on e phone, webcam her. but things are just totally different, the feelings ll eventually change if her perception and priorities are totally differnt from you as well. dnte worry. maybe she s just not the one for you.
was thinking bout tattoos after reading J's blog. . i find that i get irritated bout things which are constantly mentioned over and over again. i cant stand hearing the same things over and over again. i find it really frustrating. like suddenly the subject's become an obsessiveness. like a hardcore thing. ew. and tattoos, in my opinion. certain ones re really nice t look at. but too many? an excessiveness in extreme emtions -- it becomes, UGLY.
i dnte really care for the word us anymore.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
went t the mr and mrs fong's wedding. (: grins. it was a pleasant one!. God blessss and may He fill you w loadsa little fongs!. (:
met leong tdy as well. damn cute pls!. gasps gasps. since long time back... faints. but awesome.... (: (: (:
i totally uds her true feelings bout you. it's not that she doesn't love you. she does. alot too in fact. but you re just not around anymore for her. you're there; but you re not there. boy, i miss you too. you ve been gone for quite some time. but man, the way i miss you, its just totally different from the way she misses you. you uds? you get what i mean? she was your girlfriend!, im just a friend. obviously she s the one who s being affected much more than me.! its just like you re only almost here. sure, you talk t her on e phone, webcam her. but things are just totally different, the feelings ll eventually change if her perception and priorities are totally differnt from you as well. dnte worry. maybe she s just not the one for you.
was thinking bout tattoos after reading J's blog. . i find that i get irritated bout things which are constantly mentioned over and over again. i cant stand hearing the same things over and over again. i find it really frustrating. like suddenly the subject's become an obsessiveness. like a hardcore thing. ew. and tattoos, in my opinion. certain ones re really nice t look at. but too many? an excessiveness in extreme emtions -- it becomes, UGLY.
i dnte really care for the word us anymore.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
im going to be ignorant of what happened through out the last week. both incidents. i feel the pain as well as the rest all do. but im not going to hover into it. all i can say is that no matter what, life goes on.
neither am i going to harp over what happened ytd btw us. thrs really nothing more to it. whats happened has happened. it was both unexpected for both of us. i really dnte know what to say or how to solve things. but yes, its happened. and we can just move on.
yes, plain ignorance as you can see; has been what im into these days. not cause i dnte care. i do. well as much fuck as everyone else does. but when its over there s really nothing much you can do bout it. you can't turn back time. you re not God. even God can't do that. but what He can do is to actually help situations. and i believe everything happens for a reason. so since its over, and life still goes on; then everyone else should be finding some other stuff to dwell upon and blahs. maybe thats what im doing. and indeed i do feel much better. yes, tears fell, they still do. but so what. nothing s ever gonn change back to what it should be; or could be perhaps. so i gotta accept it right? we all dnte got a choice. we can't escape. we can't surpress. cause the after effect s just worse.
oh but i won 2 tickets for west side story musical! (: fuckyyy! (: (: (:
and anyone to catch singapore sevens w me? (: call me! <3
oh yes. party news.
--> FOREPLAY @ mdm wong's! 110306. hot party!. (: w jim bean girls..
--> GATECRASH @ gothan penthse 130306.
--> APHRODISIAC @ indochine club st 180306.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
don't just escape again. we aren't strangers. i hope you're staying now. for good. don't do it again. i'm not lost.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
lin came over tdy!. (: (: (: <3.>
so funn. he taught me econs. but he scoldd me cause i dnte know. ): <>
anwys, he taught my sister chinese. haha. so cute!. (: his chinese very good. nodsss.
we went t town wantin t catch a movie. crazy, al e movies al sold out. irritating.! ): <>
anwys, had a talk w baby tdy as well aft dinner. quite a sad talk. hugss. i hope yu cheer up dear. i love yu. <3.>
he sent me home today. (: yayy! i was damn happy. he hasnt been doing that for some time but he did it today. im really very happy. (: tight hugsss.
"i love yu, alan. yu'll always be my number one."
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
i was talking to a friend quite recently, who appeared to have told me his actual inner self, yes the same friend who says women are devils that they re artificial..
and it got me thinking. that actually everyone's wearing a facade. who they truly are no one really knows. maybe they dnte even know themselves. all these stupid social expectations, parents expectations. they just totally restrict one from being who one really is. its all the barriers that perhaps place you in some sort of safe environment that makes damn sure you re not going to move anywhr else except the route supposedly already there for you, for everyone.
and then when you move out of there everyone starts criticising you. no matter what you do, whether or not you actually have a good explanation. even if you do, they will just make really sure that you don't. and then they will start looking at you with that different look, like you re some kind of bad influence that you become some societal outcast.
and i guess because everyone's seen that happening before, and fear so much that they would be seen in that same way, that their true nature has been really hidden. thus the facade. and no matter how strong anyone can be like, deep down, we all are vulnerable. all our hidden confessions, our hidden secrets, our hidden nature, our hidden personalities and self. we can't let it all out, we can't let it go.
we become such sympathetic people, reduced to being such pathetic creatures.
how each and everyone of us wishes to be set free from being locked up inside this trapped prison. how we try so hard to be ourselves only to be ostracised from the outside world that deep down yearns to be like us.
but then again, there's no escape from this nightmare reality. one step out and then you re shot down to pieces. no matter who you are, where you come from.
who's t know, who's t care, when we are all the same.
8:51 PM
Too Close For Comfort;
happy 9th month.
won 19th position for x-country!. (: rlly happy. it just totally felt great knowing that i did my best and didn't give up. after what happened last year during ---- i realised that it was really important to fight for what you want. as long as you aim and work towards it and never give up, you ll ultimately reach your target. (: and it felt so good. i can finally say i'm proud o myself.
went t PS w lin t celebrate 9th month. (: i got a nice sunflower and a red cactus. (: hoho. finally cactus huh.. oh wells. im still stumpd at what t get him for like vday. sighss. got loadsa things t buy but real lil money. t thinkk that cny just passd. damn.
list o things i wanna buy:
1. ------
2. perhaps love soundtrack
3. paddle! (: (: (:
4. top frm shop at PS
5. -----
5 things, 5 EXPENSIVE things. ):
anwys, aft everything. i stil feel ------. like i dnte know what t do bout it at al. ): thought that everything wld be perfect today after winning. guess i was wrong. it s quite screwd now. i cant believe i ----- when we were talkin bout it. its just so. weird. i dnte know. im thinkin how thins won't change. its impossible. id want t end things. itd be so damn -----. id be devastated. i dnte know. im really ------. but he dusnt know. he wnte know. i mean he cant even tell how i truly feel over the phone. and then when i really feel like talkin w him, he s just nowhere t be found.
yu re always never arnd when i need yu most.
6:17 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
i don't want her to go. ): i don't want her to leave again. every year, there's always this period of time when i feel like there's going to be someone missing in my life. and there she is. going back again for a really long time. i'm already missing her. 12 more days. less than two weeks. this really sucks. ): she's already missed two birthdays of mine. and that sucks. ): my drunkard dance pardner. my crazy bitchmate. my cousin.
sigh. gonn be broke this month. 8, 14, 20. got one down for the 8th alr. think i know what t get for the 14th. but im rlly stuck for the 20th. oh.. this month s babies' birthday. alan and max and eric!. (: celebratin for max on th 14th, alan on the 20th and eric on the 22nd. (: yayy!. funn. ll have loadsa cakes t makan mann..
kayy. officially broke.
6:17 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
this is specially for eu* my friend.
rmb sometime back when we were both naive and young and filled with dreams that we believed so deeply could come true? rmb the smiles that those dreams used to bring to us? yet rmb the fears that used to run through our souls as each day passes impending the shortening o the days we shared? rmb the tears as you left? rmb how we were both lost?
people change. look at yourself. im proud o you for achievin thus far. i really am. but its sad seeing you shine so bright in a different light. it feels like ife lost a friend. and now you look at us just as we look at you.
no longer do you uds.
6:17 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
i didnt miss yu ytd. nd im still not missin yu. i wonder if il miss yu tmr. or the day aft. or the whole o next week. im sittin dwn nd i hardly remember yur presence. then suddenly every few hours i receive an sms frm yu. and then those few hours stretch longer and longer. maybe im right. maybe we re both used t the absence of the other.
i had an awfully fun day ytd despite what happened between us. nd i felt so happy. today i had a fun day too. i went tannin in the morning nd then i cleared up my room feeling good. went for my reunion dinner. nd later i got my plans too. im not writin this t spite yu. im just merely statin how i truly feel. yur doin' al those stuff oer nd oer agn. sayin sorry oer nd oer agn. cheap talk. i dnte listen neither do i accept. rmb if yu want t end things. just say so. dnte play these games cause they hurt more.
i just CANT BE BOTHERED. i just DNTE WANT T HEAR. it goes in one nd out the other. yu. re just like al the rest. nd it plays oer nd oer agn. just when i thought yu were different.
but yu belong w the rest.
familiar strangers once more. nd soon the familiarity ll fade.
yu make me feel like i need a more mature person. yu make me feel that yu re selfish. inconsiderate. but if yu re not. show me. time doesnt wait for yu.
6:17 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
sigh. i dnte like you. okay? i cant like you. okay? yes. i do recall what happened long time ago. but this is rather crazy. i dnte share the same kind of feelings as what you do. i only think you as a brother kind. you know. just the way you stood up for me when i was 11, and again when that bastard appeared, and when i was heartbroken. i totally owe you. nd i have t admit. its been awhile since we last talked. i wnte deny that it feels nice talkin w you again. but you know, to me its always been the same. the same kind of brotherly feelings... you know that im w lin now. you know that between us its so impossible. im going to take it that what you said was because you were high. drunk. yes. nd al that. cause i dnte love you. i dnte even like you in that way. im sorry.
we re al friends. we al know each other. we cant ruin this. dnte ruin it fer al o us. nd il be grateful. yes i ll.
smtimes silence is the best way out. deja vu dnte yu think lin? reminds me o what yu did.
but then agn, its e past.
we bury the past nd mourn in silence.
2:05 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
I know I’ve been mistaken
But just give me a break
And see the changes that I’ve made
I’ve got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all
And throw them in my face
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
If you chose to walk away
I’d still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep you right here waiting
I hope you’re not intending
To be so condescending
It’s as much as I can take
And you’re so independent
You just refuse to bend
So I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
If you chose to walk away
I’d still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep you right here waiting
I’ve made a commitment
I’m willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Can’t you just forgive me
I don’t want to relive all the mistakes
I’ve made along the way
But I always find a way
To keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say
To keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
We always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
If I chose to walk away
Would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep me right here waiting
12:25 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
melo is angry. she had an awful day. lin took day off today yet she couldn meet him. like what could be worse. ): < she HATES lin's boss. sucks like fuck. nd she hates the rain. ): < totally screwed up her house. no computer, no air con and no tv cause it all got screwed up. she hates electricians as well. stupid fools. take leave on sundays. ): < awful awful awful. hmphh. nd lin didn't come over because it was raining. she s really very sad. ): ): ): like super duper sad. cause she wnte see lin for a super long time. sighh. bet lin's like super duper not sad. hmphh. lin's evil. ): <
ahhs. kayy la. whatever la. pissed off today and ll be till tues. cause tomorrow got school. sucks like fuck. tomorrow long day. SIAN. anwys, my sch canteen is not bad. got roti prata. freshly made. yayy. kayy.
og night was great. e ogms rlly cheered fun loud loud. ahhahas. funn people. met lin aft e thinggy thou. alex came down too. hohoho. he shaved. and now his head s nice t touch. hohoho. (: (: hmmms. yea. some guy askd for my number. weirdly. i dnte even know hw he looks like la. ahhs. anwys, dnte need t know. got lin can alrdy!. yayy. (: but he s not coming over today! ): <
my cousin's com is super duperly nice t use. so fast lorhs. got web cam tooo. hahahas. (: printing is damn fast. hahahs nice right.
I'm about to lose control
I, I don't know why
Why you need some reasons to feel lost inside
You, you know that I'm alright
You know that I'm just the kind of girl that feels so hurt and smiles
I don't need excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happen all the time
So you're outa my face
Don't even try
You wanna help me, just let me cry
Yeah, I love you all my life
But you don't even know a thing I feel inside
No, by the look in my eye
That I'm just fine but I might need you to hold me tight
if i asked yu t stop wld yu?
if i needed yu here wld yu?
if i just wanted t hear yu wld yu?
if i died wld yu?
be here for me. all the time.
1:22 AM
Too Close For Comfort;
